Biblio3000

Lucy’s head felt heavy, her eyes were slowly closing and her mind fuzzy. This was only day 7, 5 more days to go before she could sleep again.

She blinked to try to clear her eyes and refresh her mind, but nothing could help. She surrendered herself to the inevitable, let her eyes close and her mind drift off. Surely they’d let her have just a few minutes of shut eye.

‘2 and a half years’ Tim from the Office’s voice and a small electric charge shook Lucy awake. She put her head in her hands. ‘God Tim let me sleep, just let me sleep’ Lucy begged.

Lucy was wearing the Biblio3000; a satnav sized device that sensed when you were falling asleep and shook you awake. And like a Satnav you could download different voices to wake you up but only the ‘head’ could set the message. She really wished she hadn’t set the voice of Martin Freeman to be her alarm call. She loved him in Sherlock and in the Office but it wasn’t just those, that was his skill, he didn't lend himself to just one role, he was versatile, eloquent, charming; but now she’d never be able to watch him in anything ever again.

8 days ago Lucy had received a letter from her local library, it informed her that she had 12 books overdue and she was going to need to pay a fine of 600 pounds. 600 pounds? That was an iPhone, a holiday to Madeira, more cakes than she could imagine. She looked at the letter again it said she’d had the books for 2 and a half years?

She knew they were overdue but really? 2 and a half years? She had been meaning to take them back but had never got round to it. God didn’t time fly?

What was she going to do? She wasn’t going to spend 600 quid on that. She didn’t mind spending money but she wasn’t going to waste it.

At the library Lucy made a beeline for the geekiest looking male librarian. Lucy was tall and beautiful, her smile melted a thousand hearts. She’d work her magic on the geek, maybe even take him for coffee, let him get close enough to smell the honey.

But the geek was a harder nut to crack that she had thought. He didn’t seem to notice her feminine charms, he only had eyes for his rules and regulations.

‘There’s nothing I can do I’m afraid.’

Lucy unbuttoned one more button on her shirt and batted her eye lids.

‘Nothing?’ she said in a voice that would have embarrassed her were it not for 600 pounds being at stake. If this didn’t work she’d start with the waterworks.

‘Well there is one thing.’ the librarian said in a voice so stereotyped it was like John Major was providing the dubbing.

Now we are getting somewhere thought Lucy.

The geek then explained about the Biblio3000. ‘You people needed to be punished, you need to learn how to follow the rules,’ he whined in his tinny voice. ‘If you can’t pay the fines then alternative punishments can be meted out.’

Lucy nodded.

‘You can swap your fine for no sleep for 12 days and 12 nights; 24 hours for each of the books you have kept selfishly for two and a half years.’

Lucy jumped at the idea. She could survive 12 days without sleep and her bank balance would remain in tact.

The first few days had been easy, but now it was getting harder. Lucy longed to sleep, this wasn’t worth 600 quid, no way.  Her eyes were getting heavy again. She was drifting.

‘2 and a half years’ bellowed Arthur Dent. But this time Lucy didn’t wake up. She slept. She’d become immune to the shock and to the voice. She’d beaten the Biblio3000, she’d beaten the system.