Definitive Proof

‘Oh I bought a mango today, it was lush.’ Johnny took a gulp of his pint thinking he was on safe ground with exotic fruit, but he was wrong, boy was he wrong.

‘A mango, grrrr don’t even get me started on Mangoes, if ever you needed proof that there was no god, you’ll find it there in that bastard fruit.’ Steve was turning ranting into an art form. he could turn just about any conversation topic into an irrational rant. No, thought Johnny, they weren’t irrational, sometimes they were quite logical but only a warped mind like Steve could come up with such arguments.

‘Don’t you like them?’

‘I love them and that’s the problem, I love them but I never get to eat them, they’re evil.'

'Evil?'

'Yeah I bought one on Saturday, it was hard so I waited and kept prodding it,'

'They always are.' 

'I know but Sunday morning still rock hard, Sunday afternoon no change, Monday morning rock hard, Monday lunchtime it had gone rotten. There must have been a 4 minute window when it was edible, that 4 minutes when I was on the toilet or on the phone or something. What kind of sick mind would actively invent a fruit of such deliciousness with such a small window of opportunity.’

‘But surely the fantastic juicy flesh should be proof that god exists.’

‘Ok if there is a god then I don’t want to believe in such a cruel being, something that tempts us with juicy fruits only to snatch away the pleasure. I’m not gonna worship such a sadist.’ Steve looked like he was going to explode.

‘So wars, suffering, drought. starvation and you pick mangoes as your proof?’ Johnny goaded his mate.

‘But it’s not just mangoes is it? I mean pears, avacados and and...’

'Apples,' added Johnny more for his own amusement than anything else.

‘Oh it doesn’t matter but they are all the same, unripe for days, ripe for seconds then rancid.’

‘You’re incredible,’ smiled Johnny as he took the last mouthful from his pint and went to get the next ones in, hoping the next subject would bring a calmer response.