Steve Rants - Taps

As Steve came back from the toilet still shaking his hands dry Johnny could see his friend had something on his mind.
‘Do you know what really annoys me?’ Steve said as he sat down, it was a rhetorical question but Johnny began lining up answers, mangoes, electronic cigarettes, house parties, umbrellas to name but a few. But no doubt Steve had an equally mundane thing to rail at.

‘Taps!’ Steve said answering his own question and then sitting back and taking a gulp of Guinness as if letting the significance of his statement sink in.

‘Taps?’ said Johnny marvelling at his friend’s ability to find offence in the most commonplace thing.

‘Yes, taps, especially British taps,’ continued Steve. ‘Why do we insist on having two taps on sinks in this country? There’s really no need.’

‘Um, I think it is so we can have both hot and cold water Steve.’

‘Ah, but ah, they have hot and cold water in France too and in Poland and anywhere else in the world but they only have one tap. A mixer tap, you can get exactly the right temperature for your hands. But here it’s like this 
ow ooo ow ooo ow ooo.’ Steve mimed holding his hand under a tap and moving it back and forth to the other.’

Even Johnny smiled at his friend’s acting skills.

‘Just put a plug in, then you can get the temperature you want.’

‘Plug smug, who uses plugs these days? And here for example’ Steve waved his hands flamboyantly in the direction of the toilets, ‘their sinks haven’t seen plugs since the place was opened. But still two taps, ow ooo ow ooo ow ooo.’ Steve mimed again.'What am I meant to do carry a plug with me.’

‘You’ve got a point but you’ve got two taps in your place, why don’t you change them?’

‘That’d be too easy wouldn't it.’ Steve smiled at Johnny but Johnny had heard enough, he picked up the empty pints in front of them and headed to the bar hoping the beer taps would be more to Steve’s liking.