Taking things to the Extreme

‘Saying I love you is not the words I want to hear from you. It’s not that I blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.’ 

The radio was playing perfect driving music, the sun was shining and I was singing along, enjoying getting from A to B much more than I would enjoy being at B. I was heading to a christening. Is there anything worse in the world than a Christening? Babies, god, hypocrites and hats - a lethal combination. And of course when a family gathers to coo over a baby, it’s inevitable that the conversation will come around to when the prodigal son will settle down and have a baby of his own. Why was it so hard for them to understand children were not part of my plans? I preferred gadgets and apple products to nappies and tantrums. 

I was waiting at a red light looking at the woman in the car next to me. She was a pretty woman, nice cheekbones, frizzy hair and red lips.

 ’Just by saying I love you.’ I sang. The woman laughed and smiled back at me and and I immediately blushed. I realised she’d just seen me mouth I love you at her.

She smiled again laughing to herself, then lights changed and off we went, me trying to put my embarrassment out of my mind, after all I’d never see her again. Blur had replaced Extreme on the radio and I continued to sing ‘Well I feel heavy metal and I’m pins and I’m needles.’ I was bouncing along as I approached the church.

Everyone looked resplendent in summer dresses, suits and hats. There were smiles all around and the baby was giggling and gurgling seemingly enjoying the attention. I greeted seldom seen aunties and uncles, wiping kissing off my face like a 7 year old boy. I could see the grandpaternal look in my mother’s eyes. She was getting grandbroody. I knew what she was thinking , if even cousin Jeff could be fecund why not you? I decided with my mum in that mood god was the lesser of two evils and so slipped into the house of my enemy a took a pew.  

I tapped my foot through the ceremony with Blur’s Song 2 still in my mind. As soon as the promises that would soon be broken were made, I went to make my escape, feeling for my cigarettes as I did so. 

But as I left the church I heard a voice. 

 ‘I’m flattered,’ it said. ‘Really I am, but don’t you think it’s all going a bit too fast?’ 

I turned to see a pretty woman with nice cheekbones and red lips. My face went the colour of her lips as I recognised her as the woman I’d told I loved at the traffic lights. But despite my embarrassment, her smile had enough promise to make me think I might be saying it to her for real one day.

Two songs used in this story are 

Extreme More than Words 

Blur Song 2