25% off - A Steve Rant

‘You know’ said Steve as he took another mouthful of beer, Johnny winced, thinking he didn’t know, but he was sure about to find out.  ‘Some people are bloody idiots.’ Steve said leaving Johnny thinking it was unusual for his old friend to state the bloody obvious. Johnny took a mouthful of his own beer, experience had taught him that Steve would continue whether Johnny replied or not.

‘I was in the shopping centre today and these women were handing out some discount vouchers for the new perfume shop that has opened there, you know?’

Johnny shrugged, new perfume shops didn’t really get on his radar.

‘So they were only giving out these coupons to the women while point blank refusing to give them to men. What’s that all about? Like only women buy perfume? It was crazy.’

‘Seems perfectly legit to me,’ said Johnny wondering what the fuss was about.

‘I suppose you think it is sexism, do you?’ He continued enjoying teasing his friend who seemed to see sexism at every turn.

‘Well yes, but that’s not my point, it is bloody daft that what it is. What time of year is it?’ Steve asked but didn’t pause. ‘Christmas time,’ he said tapping his finger on the table to make his point. ‘The only time of the year when men like you notice perfume shops.’ Steve silently said touché in his head, feeling he’d got even from Johnny’s earlier sexism barb. ‘Hundreds of men at this time of year have panicky, sleepless nights, coming out in a cold sweat wondering what to buy the women in their lives for Christmas. Surely it’s be better to give these discount coupons to men; solving their present crisis and giving them a present that looks that looks 25% more valuable than what you paid for it.’

Johnny nodded Steve had a point but he felt his friend was missing a crucial detail.

‘You right and wrong Steve.’ He said bravely.

Steve looked shocked.

‘You see’ Johnny said. ‘The token gets the woman in the shop, where she tries on some scent, then uses the token to buy some make up.  But now she knows what she wants, so can drop him hints. Do you like this smell, she’ll say when she gets home, it’s Nonscents by Ralph Lauren. Hubby will take the hint and bob’s your uncle.’

‘You sound like you’re talking from experience mate.’ Steve said. Johnny smiled then continued his train of thought.  ‘For the perfume shop it’s a win-win, she’s spent money and saved 25% on something small and now the bloke will buy the perfect present at full price.’ Johnny tapped the table on the last three syllables mocking his friend.

Steve nodded his approval Johnny had a valid point.

‘I’d not thought of that. He said. Johnny smiled wondering when the last time Steve hadn’t thought of something was.

‘But it would still be a good idea to give these vouchers to everyone wouldn’t it? More likely to get the men in.’

‘True but panicking men are more likely to pay full price.’ Johnny smiled, his voice bitter with experience. He collected the empty glasses and headed to the bar.


If you enjoyed this Steve Rant you can find most of the whole collection here or check out my 100 days of grumpiness blog. Can a man really be grumpy for 100 days straight?