Thursday 25 December 2014

Steve’s Christmas Rant



‘Any Christmas jumpers this year?’ Johnny grinned at Steve as he sat down in his usual seat.
‘Not so far, thank god’ Steve said not returning the smile. It looked like Steve had something on his mind, even Christmas couldn’t put a smile on his face.
They simultaneously took mouthfuls of beer and then settled back in contented silence, happy to be away from the mayhem of Christmas morning.
‘What’s the point of wrapping paper?’ Steve blurted out. There it is, thought Johnny, there it is. There had to be something Steve could get his misery guts stuck into. ‘It is wrong on every level, yet no one is brave enough to break the tradition.’ Steve continued.
Johnny rolled his eyes wondering how Steve could find more than one level to wrapping paper, but experience told him not to doubt the master.
‘1 it is horrible getting it home from the shops. If you buy a tube, then it doesn’t fit into any bag so sticks up and catches on everything. But if you buy sheets, by the time you get home it’s more creased than a linen suit.’
Johnny nodded. Steve had a point.
‘2 I’m hopeless at wrapping things up, it takes me hours, this year I even managed to stick my shirt to the paper.  And then when I’ve finished it looks like it was done by a 7 year old. My mum thinks I do it on purpose to be cute.’
‘That’s not the wrapping paper’s fault though Steve, is it?’ said Johnny. ‘Have you tried the M and S paper, it has gridlines to help you.’
‘Ha the gridlines can tell you where to cut but they can’t fold it and stick it can they. Anyway after all that effort, it gets ripped off in seconds and discarded. It must be like a chef watching someone wolf down the food it has taken them hours to prepare.’
‘You’re comparing your wrapping to carefully crafted food?’ Johnny smiled.
‘No but you know what mean, there’s no appreciation. Anyway 4 after all of that hassle not to mention the expense which I haven’t even touched on, the stuff just get thrown away making me think the who thing has been a waste of time and money.’
‘So what do you suggest then, not having things wrapped up, just having them there under the tree? Wouldn’t that ruin the magic of Christmas a little bit?’
‘Well if it is only there for mystery, carrier bags would do the job?’ Steve said.
‘Carrier bags? Really?’ Johnny looked askew at his mate to see if he was being serious.

‘Why not?’ Steve laughed and collected the empty glasses and headed to the bar.

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