Sick Leave - A Steve Rant

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‘Do you remember,’ said Steve,

‘I try not to,’ said Johnny smiling at his own joke but Steve barely flinched, he just carried on with his own chain of thought.

‘When we were kids and we were ill, our mum’s used to tell us if we didn’t go to school we couldn’t go out?’

‘Quite right too,’ said Johnny, ‘I know it stopped me from swinging the lead a fair few times.’

‘Me too,’ Steve agreed.

‘In fact my mum went further,’ Johnny said. ‘If I was ill, there was no tv and no radio, I had to sleep or eat or rest.’

‘Wow I didn’t know that, that’s a bit harsh, no wonder you always went to school.’ Steve said.

‘Yeah, being ill was kind of hard work in my house.’

‘But actually it kind of proves my point.’ Steve said, ‘I think the rule should still apply bit apparently not everyone agrees with me.’ Steve took a mouthful of beer. ‘Remember Lennie Jackman?’ Johnny nodded, he did indeed remember Little Lennie Jackman. They’d gone to school together and he now worked with Steve.

‘He was off last week, with the flu, 3 days he was off for and...’

‘And you saw him in the pub?’ Johnny said finishing Steve’s sentence.

‘No, worse than that.’ Steve said. ‘I saw him on Facebook.’

‘Oh Steve, I can understand you being upset if you see him in the pub but on Facebook, really?’

‘Oh not just on Facebook, but owning it. He must have posted 40 videos, done 20 quizzes and shared 50 memes a day. He worked harder on Facebook while he was ill, than I’ve ever seen him work in work.’

‘He always was a lazy bastard,’ Johnny agreed, ‘But still he was probably in bed with a duvet and a Lemsip while he was Facebooking.’

‘He could have a bloody Lemsip in work,’ Steve replied.

‘Well at least he wasn’t spreading germs.’

‘True but he could have worked from home, I mean he was staring at a computer all day anyway. Why couldn’t he have answered some emails and written that damn report that is two weeks late? But no, while I’m picking up his slack, he’s having a nice three day sharing videos of cats being scared by iguanas, doing quizzes to find out what part of Henry the 8^th body he was and posting memes telling me there are fairies at the bottom of my garden.’

‘Cut the guy some slack Steve.’

‘I wouldn’t mind so much but what he was sharing was mostly rubbish.’

‘See,’ said Johnny ‘ and that’s why he couldn’t work, his mind was addled.’

Now go get the beers in.’ Johnny pointed at their empty glasses.

Steve pulled a face to suggest Johnny might have a point.

‘But his Facebook posts are always rubbish,’ Steve mumbled to himself as he headed to the bar.

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