The Spider

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This story needs a little explanation, I saw this story in the Guardian yesterday and tried to imagine alternative scenarios. 

I’d just plunged the knife into her milky flesh and she’d just breathed her last breath when the doorbell rang. I’ve lived in this flat for three weeks without murdering anyone and no one has ever rung the doorbell, I murder one person and ding-dong.  I quickly ran my hands under the tap, dried them, and closing the kitchen door behind me, tried to open the front door as nonchalantly as possible.  I didn’t know who I was expecting but I sure as hell wasn’t expecting the police, but two coppers stood there in their shining uniforms like cub scouts on bob-a-job week.  How did they get here so quickly? She’d only been dead about a minute. 
“Where’s your wife?” the officer who barely looked old enough to shave asked. I looked at him, not quite sure what he meant. 
“I don’t have one,” I said. I was trying to look cool, but I was out of breath and rather flushed. 
“Where’s your girlfriend then?” 
“I don’t have one, of those either” I wasn’t lying. 
“C’mon mate, the neighbours called us, they heard screams, death threats, what was going on?”
Now I had to think quickly,  “It was a spider,” I said, “a really big one. I bloody hate spiders, I was trying to kill the little fucker,” I realised who I was speaking to, “excuse the French.”
“What about the woman screaming?” the officer asked.
“Yeah sorry, that was me,” I confessed. “I really, really hate spiders and I do get a little high pitched when I’m stressed.”
“Mind if we check?” the other copper said. 
What could I say? I couldn’t stop them coming in, but the sheila lay dead in my kitchen. 
The two officers poked their head into my living room, looked at the mess, and then to my relief decided they’d seen enough. They didn’t even ask to see the body.
“Sorry to bother you, sir,” they said, and then made their way out of the house. 
I hadn’t lied, I didn’t have a wife or a girlfriend, the woman on my kitchen floor was rented by the hour from the Spider Escort Agency and the scream the neighbours had heard probably had come out of my mouth when I found the bitch trying to steal my laptop. I watched the two officers get into their car and drive off, then I went back into the kitchen and wondered what to do with the body, I couldn’t just wrap this spider in a tissue and flush it down the john, could I?