Wednesday 24 February 2016

The Cat Witches

For audio click here 
This is another  updated version of an old Welsh folk tale. I've put a 2016 spin on it. 
For the original go to the end of the story, after the adverts for my novels.  
“This is odd,” Huw said to no one in particular.
“What is?” Janet was usually the one colleague that who took the bait.
“Look at this,” Huw turned his computer screen around so Janet could see it, but carried on talking anyway. “Apparently, according to Wales Online like, the Travelodge at the Cardiff West services has had a spate of unexplained robberies.”
“Oh,” Janet took another bite out of her Gregg’s steak bake.
“All business travellers, all male, all travelling alone. It says here that the robberies take place at night, while the guest is in the room, the door is locked and there’s no sign of forced entry. They reckon it is a ghost.” But Janet had stopped listening; she was much more interested in the hair poking out of her pasty than she was in Huw’s mystery.
“Is that one of mine?” She said. “Does that look like one of mine? She held the hair up to the light. “It’s the wrong colour,” she said throwing the pasty down on the desk. “That’s disgusting that is.” But Huw didn’t take a blind bit of notice. Huw was booking a room in the Travelodge; Huw didn’t believe in ghosts so he was going to get to the bottom of this.
Huw had to admit the room was better than he thought it was going to be; clean, spacious, tea and coffee making facilities, a bed like falling into a cloud. It was just like Lenny Henry promised, only he advertised Premier Inn. Huw took a shower and then went out for dinner. He strolled across the car park to the Burger King; he knew how to live.
The fast food restaurant was deserted except for the two girls that worked there. They were buxom lasses who took a healthy interest in Huw.
“What’s a handsome guy like you doing all alone?” The one with a pretty smile said.
“Business trip,” Huw said. He liked them; they were fun so he made up stories of his long lonely journeys around the UK selling cement. It seemed to do the trick.
“Would you like some company later? We’re on morning shift so they put us up in the hotel.” The one with the pretty eyes said.
Huw almost choked on his Whopper. Fuck trying to catch a thief, he was getting a chance to have a threesome, tick off on item on his bucket list. He wasn’t going to turn that down.
“What’s your room number?” Eyes asked.
“Eleven,” Huw croaked.
“See you at Twelve,” Smiles said and blew him a kiss.
 Huw had to be able to perform. He nipped into Costa and got himself a triple espresso latte with syrup and sugar. That should give him the energy he needed to satisfy the two lovely ladies.
The girls were as good as their word. Just after midnight there was a gentle knock on the door and the two women came in. 
It was like all Huw’s Christmases had come at once. The women used him and abused him. He certainly got his money’s worth out of the hotel room; not a surface went unsullied.
Three sweaty bodies lay on the bed exhausted. Both girls were purring contentedly like kittens that had tired themselves out. He closed his eyes and wondered if he’d ever be able to wipe the smile off his face. He felt Eyes move, she stood up and went to the bathroom. After the toilet flushed, Smile stood up too. He heard them whispering and guessed they had to go. Then heard the sound of the change jangling in his jeans pocket. He opened one eye and saw that Eyes had his wallet in her hand. It all made sense now, of course these businessmen would have to report the theft of their company credit card, but couldn’t tell the world they’d been shagging the Burger King girls could they?. As for the girls well usually their victims would have been sound asleep after the seeing to they’d given him. But Huw was wide-awake; the coffee had made sure of that. 
Without thinking he reached for the mug that was on the bedside table and threw it at Eyes. It hit her square in between the eyes. She dropped the wallet and the two of them hurried from the room.
The next morning Huw went to Burger King for his breakfast. Smile was there serving a tired looking driver.
“Great night last night,” Huw said. “Where’s Eyes? I’d like to thank her too.”
Eyes appeared from behind the ice cream machine, a bruise the size of Treorchy across her forehead. 
Huw smiled and went on his merry way. That afternoon he put an entry on Trip Advisor. Beware the Burger King girls, they are not the little kittens they appear to be.




The Cat Witches 
Many robberies used to take place at an inn near Bettws-y-Coed. Travellers who put up there for the night were continually relieved of their money, and they could not tell how. They were certain that no one had entered their rooms, because they were found locked in the morning just as they were the night before. Huw Llwyd was consulted, and he promised to unravel the mystery.
He presented himself at the inn one night, and asked for a night's lodging, saying that he was an officer on his way to Ireland. The inn was kept by two sisters: they were both very comely, and made themselves very agreeable to Huw Llwyd at supper. Not to be outdone, he did his best to entertain them with tales of travel in foreign parts which he had never visited. On retiring for the night he said that it was a habit with him to have lights burning in his room all night, and he was supplied with a sufficient quantity of candles to last until the morning. Huw Llwyd made his arrangements for a night of vigil. He placed his clothes on the floor within easy reach of his bed, and his sword, unsheathed, on the bed close to his hand. He secured the door, got into bed, and feigned to sleep. Before long two cats came stealthily down the chimney. They frisked here and there in the room, but the sleeper lay motionless; they chased each other around the bed, and gambolled and romped, but still the sleeper showed no signs of awaking. At last they approached his clothes and played with them, turning them over and over. Ere long the sleeper (who had been very wide awake the whole time) saw one of the cats putting her paw into the pocket which contained his purse. He struck at the thievish paw like lightning, with his sword. With a hideous howl both cats disappeared up the chimney, and nothing further was seen of them the whole night.
Next morning only one of the sisters appeared at the breakfast table. Huw Llwyd asked where the other was. Receiving the reply that she was ill and could not come down, he expressed his regret, and proceeded to break his fast. The meal over, "I am now going to resume my journey," he said," but I must say good-bye to your sister, for I greatly enjoyed her company last night." Many excuses were attempted, but he would not be refused, and at last he was admitted to her presence. After sympathising with her and asking whether he could be of any service, he held out his hand to bid good-bye. The sick lady held out her left hand. No," said Huw Llwyd laughingly, "I am not going to take your left hand: I have never taken a left hand in my life, and I am not going to begin with yours, white and shapely as it is." Very unwillingly and with evident pain, she put out her right hand. It was swathed in bandages. The mystery was now revealed. The two sisters were witches, and in the form of cats robbed travellers who lodged under their roof: "I have drawn blood from you," said Huw Llwyd, addressing the wounded sister, "and henceforth you will be unable to do any mischief. I will make you equally harmless," he said to the other sister. Seizing her hand, he cut it slightly with a knife, so that the blood came. For the rest of their lives the two sisters were like other women, and no more robberies took place at their inn.

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