Thursday 12 May 2016

Skinny Jeans

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Harry lay on the bed and wriggled for all his might. He pulled in his stomach as far as it would go and pulled at the material. Nearly, nearly, nearly. He’d seen his sisters do this years ago, he knew it was possible. Nearly! Yes. He’d managed to do up the waistband of his new pair of skinny jeans. Tonight was going to be a good night. Now all he had to do was to get himself vertical and check he could walk.
He was off to see the Kooks and just because he was in his forties he wasn’t going to let the kids have all the fashion fun. Okay, it had taken him a good twenty-five minutes to get the jeans on, and his stomach hung over the waist and he couldn’t do his converse daps up, but who cares - you only live once, right?
He staggered across his flat, the tight jeans giving him a John Wayne gait.
“They’ll give, they’ll give,” he muttered to himself. “You’ll be fine, you’ll be fine.” The material began to have more sympathy and his walk started to get back to normal.
“Let’s have a good time,” he said to the furniture and headed to the door.
Heather was meeting him at the venue. It was her idea to go to the concert, but desperate to prove he was not the old fogey she thought he was, he’d readily agreed even if he did have to get onto iTunes and have a Kooks crash course. Actually they weren’t bad, a kind of poor man’s Supergrass, a bit whiney and moany, but not bad.
Heather smiled when she saw him. She went on tiptoes and gave him a little peck on the cheeks. That was no polite handshake-type kiss, that was a, a warm little kiss full of Turkish delight type promise. She linked arms with him and led him inside; this really was going to be a good night. They mostly ignored the support band, instead they giggled like teenagers over a couple of glasses of Prosecco. But when the lights went down and the Kooks came up both Harry and Heather were pogoing on the dance floor.
“Shine, shine, shine on,” Harry sang. He still had it. He could compete with these youngsters, no problem. Heather smiled at him and planted a kiss right on his lips. Everything was going to plan.
“I’m not saying it’s your fault,” Harry sang along, he was sweating like a bucket and a bit out of breath but he wasn’t gonna stop now. “Although you could have done mooorrrrrk” Harry grabbed his throat, grabbed his heart, grabbed Heather and then slipped to the floor. “she’s out to get me,” he croaked.

Harry woke up in a much much brighter room than he’d passed out in. There was no sign of Heather but there was a nurse taking his pulse.
“Where am I?” He asked.
“The Heath Hospital,” the nurse said.
“Did I have a heart attack?” The nurse smiled.
“No Mr. Morgan,” he said. “You just passed out because your blood wasn’t circulating properly. You’re perfectly fine, but we had to cut these off you.” He held up the jeans. “We’d advise you didn’t wear such an ill-fitting garment again.”
“And where’s Heather? ” Harry said.
“If you mean the young lady who brought you in.” Harry noticed how the nurse had emphasised the word young. “She went home to get you something to wear so you are decent on your journey home.”

Harry smiled weakly. There wasn’t any guarantee that, Heather would be see him in the same light again, but at least she hadn’t disappeared completely.

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