Monday 31 October 2016

Fancy Dress - A Steve Rant

For audio click here 
“How many times,” Steve paused to take a mouthful of beer.
Johnny recognised that pause. It was of the dramatic type. It said, strap in there’s a rant coming. Johnny did up his metaphorical seatbelt and adopted the brace position.
“did you go to school in fancy dress?”
“Um never,” replied Johnny.
“Nor me,” Steve said, “maybe the girls did on St David's Day, but otherwise never. But these days hardly a day goes by when there aren’t pictures on my Facebook feed of kids off to school dressed as their favourite Harry Potter character or some such.”
Johnny nodded it was true.
“National book day, Roald Dahl day, Halloween, dress up as your favourite poem day, got to school as your dad day.” Steve counted them off on his fingers. “They had Shwmae day the other day whatever the fuck that is. For fuck’s sake, there’s more fancy dress in schools than on an Easy Jet flight to Prague.”
“I wonder why they do it?” Johnny chimed in.
“I haven't got a clue,” Steve said. “I can't really see how wearing a crappy costume is educational. Unless it teaches the kids what it is like to be uncomfortable all day.”  
“I wonder if they like it,” Johnny said.
“I would've hated it,” Steve replied.
“Yeah, but you were a grumpy old git even in primary school.” Johnny smiled.
“It's the parents I pity.” Steve completed ignored Johnny’s barb. “Either they have to be a whizz with the sewing machine or they have to spend a fortune on cheap polyester costumes that are likely to catch fire any minute. Thank Christ teachers are not allowed to smoke on school property anymore.”
“Maybe there's a direct correlation between the smoking ban and costumes.” Johnny said. “when did the costume craze start?”
“And another thing,” as usual Steve ignored Johnny’s input.
Johnny winced. Steve did this sometimes, a two for the price of one rant. “I saw a Facebook photo of someone, an adult, in his Halloween costume, Guess what he was.”

“I dunno, a skeleton, a wizard, a mummy. I dunno.”
“George Costanza from Seinfeld. Surely the point of Halloween fancy dress is in the name. When did it become an excuse to dress like a TV character?
“Mate, the world's gone to pot.”
“It has,” Steve reflect.
“Oh by the way,” Johnny said. “Happy birthday you old git.”
“Cheers,” Steve replied, holding up his pint then taking a swig. 
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