The Toilet 2

Hope I didn't put you off your breakfast yesterday and hope I don't put you off your lunch today. 

Ma Yen had never seen a toilet like it in his life. It was some kind of raised bowl about half a metre off the ground. What in the name of God was he supposed to do with that?  His stomach gurgled and grumbled as it had been doing since he’d eaten that dodgy meat and pastry thing from the street vendor. He let out a groan as a cramp grasped his insides and wrung them out like wet washing.  He knew there was no time to look for another establishment. It was now or never. He unbuckled his belt and undid the top button or his jeans, still trying to figure out just how you were meant to use the weird contraption. The relief of undoing the jeans made him wonder if he could make it to another loo. But the constraint rumbling of thunder from within suggested he had to stay put. He assessed the alternatives. 

Sit on the bowl, stand on the bowl, hover over the bowl, it all looked wrong. Sitting on it would be so unhygienic, but balancing so precarious. If he stood on the bowl, would he pull his trousers down before or after?  He had lots of options but no idea as to which one to use. 

Make up your bloody mind, his stomach screamed in the form of a mother cramp. He wanted to stand on the bowl  but his limited knowledge of physics suggested he was courting disaster. He dropped his jeans and tried to step up on the rim. Impossible. . Ready or not here I move, his bowels yelled. Instinct took over now. He did it the other way around, taking the step up and then slowly pulling his trousers down and then gradually squatting towards the bowl. He used one hand to steady himself on the wall of the toilet. 

He was just in time. One second longer and it would have been a disaster. 

He sighed the sigh of a relieved man. 

He felt around for the toilet paper. New problem, it was too low down, he couldn't reach it. He tried to crouch lower but no, it was no use. He had tissues in his pocket. He felt around for them but the effort of pulling them out upset the status quo. He heard a creak and a crack and a crash. His right hand tried to grab something, anything to stop him from falling but it could only capture thin air. His the bowl disappeared from beneath his feet and  he followed it, his bum landed with a rather disgusting splash.